From chaos to (relative) calm
Gaining perspective from grief and loss
A few days ago my husband, daughter and I returned home from my parents’ now uninhabited home. We lost my mom a little over a year and a half ago, and my dad passed away at the beginning of last month. With my brother also gone in 2020, it is now up to my sister, me, and our respective families to work towards resolving our parents’ belongings.
In the midst of our sadness and loss, comes the overarching question: What do we do with all these things?
Our parents lived a full life together, and travelled many places around the world. The items they collected on their adventures were modest, but always interesting and unique. Combining all that with their clothing, linens, kitchen and housewares, there is a mountain to process. My parents were certainly not hoarders (well, maybe a little in the dry goods department- you wouldn’t believe the amount of pasta left in the pantry!), but there is still a lot. Although some folks downsize as they get older, it seemed my parents felt they would live forever, continuing to accumulate things they admired and enjoyed. Oh, if only their sentiments had been true and they were still with us!
In the midst of our sadness and loss, comes the overarching question: What do we do with all these things? My parents worked hard all their lives, and so we feel that some reverence is in order in dealing with their possessions. But they do still need to be let go, because heavens knows that we can’t keep it all. Anyway, I will spare you the ruminating- all of these things will eventually come to pass.
Am I at the point where I would consider myself ‘clutterfree’ and maintaining my home is always easy and seamless? Absolutely not.
The main point I wanted to share was the contrast I felt coming back home. Stepping over the threshold of our rented house after the long journey from NY to NC, I looked around with relief. No stuff on the tables and kitchen island, no papers or books piled up. No cabinets crammed full or stuff precariously stacked inside. Most of all, no garage and basement filled with a mixture of both precious and frustratingly useless things.
Am I at the point where I would consider myself ‘clutterfree’ and maintaining my home is always easy and seamless? Absolutely not. Right now I would consider myself in the ‘messy middle,’ where I still have a lot of ‘projects’ and mental hangups about getting rid of stuff that I feel are important to address. But if mindset is key, which I believe it is, I am on my way. Realizing the importance of building momentum, I have also made a lot of progress since I first started my decluttering journey in 2019.
This next couple of years dealing with my parents’ things is going to be tough. But, for right now I can take solace in two thoughts: 1) We will do our best to ensure that their household items will be put to good use and 2) I will continue working on my own home to cultivate it as my and my family’s sanctuary from this busy, challenging, and tumultuous world we live in.
What about you? How has your decluttering journey helped when times got tough? Did tough times actually help spur you on in your journey? Please share in the comments!
